


Stop Making a Fool Out of Me

by faithinthepoor



Series: Glee [25]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 18:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1951761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during Special Education</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stop Making a Fool Out of Me

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows [I’m Not That Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640810), [It Sucks to be Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640836), [Kiss Me Goodbye](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640850), [We All Have Sorrow](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640862), [I’m Not Myself Lately](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640884), [I Ain’t the Worst You’ve Ever Seen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640900), [I Know That I’ve Got Issues](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640908), [You’ll Never See What You’ve Done to Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641365), [Everyone Must Stand Alone](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641370), [I Should Be Happy](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641377), [Every Now and Then I Fall Apart](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641387), [I Wish That I Had Jesse’s Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641391), [I Dreamed That God Would Be Forgiving](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641394), [I Don’t Want To Be Friends](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641401), [I’m a Loser Baby](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641414), [I Sometimes Wish I’d Never Been Born At All](http://archiveofourown.org/works/641422), [I Don’t Wanna Think Anymore](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951407), [I Am Stronger Than Yesterday](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951449), [Can You Hear Me Praying?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951482), [If I Lost You Would I Cry?](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951506), [I’ve Got to Keep Control](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951545), [I’m Living a Teenage Dream](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951581), [I'm Like, Forget You](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951644) and [My Eyes Will See Only You](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1951707)

Some days she thinks that being in Glee Club may actually be bad for her. Well to be honest she thinks that most days but every now and then she is given a more specific concern to focus on and right now sectionals is counting as a pretty major concern. There are a lot of reasons that competing in sectionals might make her uncomfortable. Some of them are even valid. All she know is she really doesn’t need a reminder of where she was this time last year and all that has changed in her life.

A year ago she was pregnant with the bastard child of a thug and said bastard may or may not have had Jewish diseases. A year ago she was unceremoniously thrown to the wolves when the truth about her pregnancy was outed to her then boyfriend. In addition she had lost her spot on the Cheerios, she had been disowned by her parents and she was totally alone. A year ago life was a whole lot better than it is now. 

She knows that those thoughts sound like the ramblings of a lunatic but in a way they are very true. This time last year something incredible happened to her. Yes, they won sectionals, which she admits was pretty incredible given they were the underdogs and performed an unprepared set list, but that is not what is memorable to Quinn. Not that she wants to take anything away from Rachel singing her heart out and letting the world know that she will not let them rain on her parade. Rachel’s moment in the sun deserves recognition and Quin has no problem with this, especially since that performance may have contributed to the thing that Quinn considers truly miraculous. For Quinn the sectionals experience from last year equates to one thing and one thing only - the fact that she kissed Rachel Berry.

Looking back it all seems impossible. There are many things that Quinn thought would never happen in her life. Winding up a pregnant teen should have topped that list but kissing Rachel Berry is even more incredulous. She wants to be filled with awe. She wants to be proud of herself for being braver than she ever thought she could be and for following her heart for once. She can’t be those things though because thinking about that kiss only results in an overwhelming sense of sadness. This time last year was filled with promise and it led to things that she will treasure forever but she has ruined any chance that she ever had of kissing Rachel again and she wonders if she will ever find a way to forgive herself.

She doesn’t even have the comfort of knowing that at least she will get to see Rachel singing her heart out at sectionals. It seems Mr Schue has had some sort of stoke and as a result Quinn has to sing a love song with Sam. She would be vomiting at that thought alone but at least she can take comfort in the fact that the love song is from a film where a women gets pregnant to a lothario and totally ruins her life. It may not be most people’s interpretation of the movie but it is accurate. Quinn can admit that a few other things may happened in that film but right now she can’t really relate to anything that doesn’t involve pain.

She is grateful that she went into labour the last time they performed in public because it gives her a totally legitimate reason to strap her crazy on. Anything strange that she does can be written off as either performance jitters or post traumatic stress. The students of New Directions may think that they are downtrodden and put upon but thankfully they are just as self obsessed as their oppressors. She knows that none of them will bother to scratch the surface; they will accept the cover story, and the true source of her pain will go undiscovered. 

It’s funny but now that she is sure that it’s over she isn’t horrified by the thought of people finding out about her and Rachel. She knows that the old Quinn would have swallowed Draino before revealing that she might like girls but that Quinn seems to have disappeared. The version of her who would have died of embarrassment if people had have even questioned her sexuality is well and truly gone. Something changed inside her during the time that she was Rachel. When they were together she would have done anything to protect their secret but that had nothing to do with shame. It simply wasn’t her secret to tell. It was something they shared and it wasn’t her place to make the decision for the both of them. It was also possible that her magic little bubble that flourished so well in the shadows might have burst if it was exposed to the light and there was no way that would have let that happened.

Right now, standing in the ruins of their relationship, it doesn’t seem important to keep the secret anymore. What people think of her doesn’t really matter because there is no way that they can hurt her. She can’t hurt more than she already does. The only motive to keep her mouth shut is the fact that she couldn’t handle hurting Rachel. She may not care about her own reputation but that doesn’t give her the right to take Rachel down with her. It may not actually be possible for Rachel to hate Quinn more than she does right now but just in case it is Quinn will keep silent. 

There is also the possibility that when this pain stops, if it ever stops, she will feel differently. On the off chance that life will one day offer her something other than searing pain she will continue to fabricate the illusion that is Quinn Fabray. With that in mind she steps out into the aisle to sing about having the time of her life. She sings and smiles and twirls and pretends that she doesn’t hate Sam. People really do not give her enough credit for her performance skills.

Things get a little easier once she can hand the reigns over to Santana. That’s saying a lot given that she could happily but a pickaxe through Santana’s head. To be fair she often wants to put a pickaxe through Santana’s head but right now her desire has reached epic proportions. Most of the time she forgives or at least ignores Santana’s behaviour but Santana set into motion a course of events that exposed the fact that Quinn knew that Santana and Finn had done the nasty. When she thinks about all the places that Santana has been it is very nasty indeed and something that really, really should have been kept a secret. Quinn would be coming up with ways to try and scrub the idea from her brain if she wasn’t too busy freaking out about what this knowledge will do to Rachel.

It’s not like she had hopes that she would be able to get Rachel back. Well, not big hopes. She barely spent any time considering ways to bridge the divided between them. In Quinn’s mind this is totally true, so long as the words ‘barely spent’ can be read as ‘every waking moment’. She has to admit that she had hopes that things could be fixed - she had to have them otherwise how would she get up in the morning? That’s all gone now. Santana has destroyed any chance that Quinn had with Rachel and all because Santana wanted Finn. There is not enough hate in the world.

In a way she should probably be grateful that Finn was involved because at least this way people will assume her morose demeanour is related to the antics of the captain of the football team and not to his most recent ex. It’s a sign of how despondent she is that she can’t muster the energy to be disturbed by a world in which Finn is considered a desirable commodity. As far as Quinn is concerned Santana is more than welcome to him. She just wishes that Santana had found a way to worm herself back into Finn’s pants that didn’t involve the humiliation and devastation of Rachel Berry. 

This leads her right back to the thought that maybe Glee Club is not the best thing in the world for her. She can handle the blow to her reputation, in fact now that she has reclaimed her rightful place as captain of the Cheerios, the seesaw that is her social status is rather nicely balanced. She will reluctantly admit that faux dating Sam helps in that regard. Glee Club might be damning for all or them but it is damaging her in unique ways. It brings back memories of happier times, it reminds her that she once thought that she could be different and it brings her face to face with Rachel. It’s not something that is easy to deal with but the only thing that’s worse is the thought of not seeing Rachel at all.

She feels numb as she clutches Sam’s arm and awaits the judges’ verdict. Part of her wants them to lose. Aiming for failure has not ever been in her vocabulary and it doesn’t sit particularly well with her but losing would mean no regionals which would mean that she wouldn’t have to face flashbacks of going into labour and Rachel being too consumed with outcome of the competition to be at the hospital. Admittedly they weren’t even a couple at that point but there is no way that Quinn is going to let logic ruin her perfectly good gripe. 

Even though part of her was praying for a loss the fact that they tied for the win still comes as a low blow. To think that they could only out perform a crop of people requiring hip replacements is not exactly confidence boosting. Speaking of confidence boosting, another thing that Quinn won’t be adding to that list is having to see Rachel hug Finn after their de facto victory.

When Schue insists on taking them for ‘celebratory’ burgers the desire to vomit returns full force. The nausea isn’t aided by the arrival of myriad heart attacks on a plate and she has to make a retreat to the bathroom. She is trying to ease her discomfort by resting her head against the mirror and running cold water over the wrists when the restroom door flies open.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” Quinn states dryly when the door reveals Rachel.

“Then you’ve got to stop spending all of your time in bathrooms,” Rachel retorts.

“Don’t worry. I’m not drunk.”

“As if I’d worry,” Rachel scoffs.

“If you give me a moment to compose myself I’ll hurry back to my Ken doll and you can have the place to yourself.”

“I was right to call you Barbie. You are plastic and soulless.”

“And I was right to say that I want to punch you in the mouth.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“A whole bunch of people waiting outside and the fact that you would lawyer up the instant my fist connected with your face.”

“Is that meant to be some sort of crack at my heritage?”

“It’s meant to be an astute observation based on the fact that you have threatened to bring lawyers into things in the past.”

“It’s not a crime to take things seriously.”

“But it’s a crime to try and protect you, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You are so busy being pissed at me that it’s never even occurred to you that there might have been a reason that I didn’t tell you about Finn and Santana.”

“You completely betrayed me.”

“I can’t help it if that’s how you chose to see things,” Quinn states sadly.

“How can I see it any other way?” Rachel’s attempts to be angry and quiet at the same time are making everything she says sound like a stage whisper.

“What good would have come of you knowing?”

“You don’t think that I deserve to know that my boyfriend slept with someone else?”

“He wasn’t your boyfriend at the time.”

“That’s not really the point.”

“In fact you were with someone else when it happened.”

“How can you be on his side?”

“I’m not on anyone’s side. I just didn’t want you to be hurt.”

“Well I’m hurt now.”

“I see that,” Quinn is trying hard to keep her voice soft. “Don’t worry in future I will be sure to tell you if your ex-boyfriends are fucking someone else.”

“And I’ll be sure to be grateful.”

“I hope so. Just so I know, is this honestly policy a two way open forum?”

“What do you mean?”

“In the interest of not betraying anyone should I be telling Finn what you and I have been up to?”

Rachel face goes ashen, “You wouldn’t dare.”

“So I owe you loyalty and not him. He was my boyfriend at one point, in fact he thought he was the father of my child, you don’t think I owe him something?”

“Thanks hardly the same.”

“Why not?”

“What we had was special to me.”

“And Finn wasn’t special to you? Don’t delude yourself.” She can’t believe she has defended Finn. Quinn doesn’t know what is happening to her but she is certain that Rachel is skating ever closer to that punch in the mouth.

“It doesn’t really matter now. It turns out that I’m not good enough for either of you. I feel so stupid for believing that I was.”

“Don’t be absurd you are certainly good enough for Finn.”

“That’s not funny.”

“I kinda think it is. It’s funny cause it’s true.” It funny and it also helps Quinn feel better.

“Well funny or not it’s pointless because he doesn’t want me anyway.”

“I would tell you that that’s a good thing but I doubt you’d believe me.”

“I’m not sure I can believe anything you say anymore.”

“Fine. It’s good to know my place. Can I just ask you one thing – are you mad at me because I kept something from you or because of what happened the last time we were alone in a bathroom?”

“Trust me when I tell you that the bathroom is a whole different well of anger.”

“Ok then, removing the bathroom from the equation, I want you to know that I was never trying to hurt you,” Quinn can’t look Rachel in the eye, “I just didn’t want you to get hurt and I didn’t want you to be with me because you were mad at him. I wanted to mean something to you.”

Rachel’s rant has lost a whole lot of steam and she fumbles for anything to say, “I, I, I, I.”

“It’s ok. Your reaction to the news about Finn makes it clear that I never really stood a chance.”

“That’s not true. I think there might be a reason that I’m madder at you than I am at Finn.”

“The fact that you are a crazy person is not breaking news Rachel.”

“I am crazy.”

“I didn’t think you had such good insight.”

“My dad’s have had me seeing therapists since I could roll over. I have a very good grasp of my emotional state and I know I am crazy. I also know it’s all your fault. You make me crazy. I want to hate you but all I can think about is kissing you.”

“There’s nothing stopping you. I’m even nice and vomit free,” Quinn can feel her face breaking into a smile of clown like proportions.

“If we were somewhere a little more private I would do just that,” despite the rebuke Rachel steps a little closer.

“I’m glad that we are in public then.”

“Why?” Rachel’s eyes are squinted like she is trying to see a point that she can’t focus on.

“Because when we kiss I would prefer that it not be about you hating me.”

“I guess I could work on that.”

“Please do,” Quinn states and briefly squeezes Rachel’s hand. “We’ve been in here long enough. I’ll see you outside.”

Rachel nods and Quinn makes her exit. All the nausea that she was feeling has totally dissipated. She feels lighter. She feels something close to happiness. As she shovels fries into her mouth with no concern about their fat content she is certain that she will get to maintain this feeling of bliss and for a while she does. She retains it right up until the moment that she descends the stairs at school and catches Rachel in Finn’s arms. She turns and heads back up and vows never to believe in happiness, or in Rachel, ever again.


End file.
